You know that
feeling in the pit of your stomach like you’re about to be sick? The ones with
the butterflies in your chest and you feel like your heart is going a mile a
minute and that you noticed that perhaps you’re having trouble catching your
breath? I’m having it now. I also had it
earlier when I made a lunch date with one of my best friends Jenn. Just the thought of leaving the house made me
go like that. Every time I think of leaving the house that happens. Like, I
just realised I’m out of milk and should go to the store. How silly is that? So I’m doing relaxation techniques. You see I am now smack in the middle of a
lovely anxiety/depression. Most people don’t
want to talk about this- but it happens. A lot of people suffer from this; either
full time or for a part of their lives.
I am tired of the
shame that goes with it. My body, mind
and soul where run to hard for too long and after a really bad string of calls
at work (I’m a paramedic) my body decided that this was ITS time. Its own way
of calling 911 and telling me to stop.
So now what do I
do? Well, I’m seeing my doctor and a therapist and have turned to the little
things in life that I had put aside.
So this morning
when Jenn invited me to join her for lunch, instead of sitting in a corner and letting
this beast take over me, I went down to my crafts room and started doing
something to take my mind off things.
What did I do
today? I took out my new sewing machine!!! (I now have two lol). I received it after signing up for the
dressmaking and design course through ICS.
I am almost done- all I need to do is crated my final project and submit
it. And I have tons of ideas! I’ve been dreaming arts and crafts! Once it’s done I’ll post pictures.
But I also enjoy stitching
on scrapbook pages. So I took one of the many pieces of spare cardstock I have
and thread I had no need for and tried the design stitches my machine offers.
Don’t they look cool?
Now- that being
said I noticed that some, although lovely on fabric, cut too much of the paper
and leaves a hole. So that is not a
great option for scrapping. But while I
was discovering and playing w my new shiny toy, I was happy and felt calm and
at ease, and in no time it was time for me to leave! I had just time enough to
get dressed for the weather and go! Did I feel anxious while driving and
leaving? Yes. I kept reminding myself that
I was going to a safe place where I would be met by someone I love, and not
work or anything more stressful than, where are we going to lunch? So I did not have to suffer for hours in
worry.
And now that I
written and over shared I feel better. And looking forward to returning to MY
room where I am going to try to add some sewing to my newest layouts. I’m a little concerned. I am usually not one
to have commitment issues when scrapping; its paper and pictures: no one will
die and I can start over. But this is something new- combining 2 areas of my
life to one. Should be interesting! I’m afraid and excited at the same time!
Wish me luck!
you have nothing to be ashamed of.In fact,one would consider you brave just for posting this,but knowing you as long as I have,you've always been brave to me,someone to admire and look up to.xoxo
ReplyDeletean idle mind is the worst thing for anxiety,so going to your craft room was the best thing for you to do.Mine was reading,I carried a book everywhere.
Ignore the scolds. It's on my top 10 list of how to live my life these days. Funny, how much of the scolds come from ourselves....We need to ignore your own scolds.
ReplyDeleteI find that scrapbooking is very zen (this may apply to all crafts). There's something about working with your hands that's very focused. At the same time, your mind gives in to the freedom called creativity. Very zen indeed.
One day at a time. One step at a time. One page at a time.
hugs
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DeleteI just went through my second burnout... I know exactly how you feel. You are a very brave soul to even talk about it. My experiences were overshadowed by shame, extreme sadness (the loss of my Dad) and exhaustion. I couldn't talk about anything for months without crying. So for you to put it outhere tells everyone so much about yourself! You are very strong...
ReplyDeleteYou are so right: your craftroom and your creativity will help you! This is what helped me during my second burnout, and this is what helped me realize that I was still worth something. Do what you feel like doing, whatever others may think! Don't ever let anybody judge you, and don't be your own ennemy by criticizing or judging yourself... be your own best friend and indulge in what you like the most! You deserve a long break after giving so much to others and saving lives. And enjoy being surrounded by good friends :)
xoxo